not for them though

You know those movies where they do a routine that involves repeating the same word a lot and it's really really funny?

I don't get those.

"It's an elm."
"An elm?"
"An elm."
"What elm?"
"That elm there."
"An elm, eh? That's a fine elm."
"A prince among elms."
"One might even say Plato's ideal of an elm."
"Oh, I wouldn't go that far."
"No?"
"No. But it's a fine elm."
"A fine elm." [sighs] "Yes. A fine elm."

Was there a sketch like this one time that was funny, and ever since people have been trying to recapture that elusive moment? Did the Marx brothers do a great one-word bit? Is this Abbott and Costello's fault?

Anyway, I'm just saying, you might not want to go see Envy. Although it has a wicked opening song. The rest of the movie is sort of like an eerie recreation of one of your lesser Steve Martin/John Candy offerings. (That's right-- the not as funny ones.) It's like a screwball comedy, but in slow-motion. A slo-pitch comedy.

In keeping with our reviews theme:

Rating Wraps: Lunches Near My Work

I work in Yaletown, which means I am surrounded by many, many expensive options for getting drunk and buying kitchen cabinetry. There are also a fair number of to-go lunch options nearby. Because bad bread is so depressing, but a wrap is just a wrap, I've taken to having my lunch in a tube. Interestingly, most of the places have been fairly comparable in price-- that is, about a dollar more than you'd expect for the amount of food you actually get. Here are the options within walking distance:

Subway

Always fear the chain that decides to get into someone else's market. McDonald's pizza, anyone?

In this case, the wrap is actually fine, but it is, of course, the filling of a sub inside a tortilla instead. For an extra dollar. The nerve. It's good in that, as with all Subway meals, you get to choose what goes in there. It's bad in that you have to deal with things like Subway's patented all-fat turkey slices and reconstituted chicken rubble.

Verdict: Sort of like a meal-in-a-pill-- it gets the job done.

Wrap Zone

A bit of a disappointment, this. I was expecting more of a place that actually specialized in wraps. Bonus: they used a pita instead of a tortilla, but it wasn't a good pita, just the regular instant dry-out kind. From the glowing images above the counter, I had hopes of a thick, pocketless, Greek-style pita, but it was not to be. Still, it made more sense for keeping your food in. Again, you got to choose your sauce and your ingredients. Unfortunately, they seem to use the same olive provider as Subway, which made the whole thing taste depressingly Subway-esque. And I actually like the sauce choice at Subway better. I think this was the biggest wrap, though.

Plus, they have this weird wrapping that you tear off halfway down, which makes it really easy to eat the top half of your wrap, and almost impossible to dig the bottom half out of the mangle of paper and plastic wrapping. To be honest, I couldn't be bothered. The effort seemed like so much more than the reward.

Verdict: Drab zone.

Jugo Juice

Wraps are the perfect compliment to a juice bar. Your basic guilty yuppie can buy a huge sorbet shake (it's "healthy") and then pair its massive carb dose with a near-breadless wrap.

Anyway, that's what I do.

The wraps come in tortillas again, but, bonus, they are the red and green kind. Unnecessary food colour: one of my favorite things. They are pre-made, so you can't choose what goes into them, and they're definitely short on the wads of vegetable stuffing you get at the other two places. I don't think I had a single shred of iceberg lettuce.

But they had the most flavour, the coolest meat and cheese, and did I mention they were red and green?

Verdict: One turkey wrap and one Passionate Perfection, please.

Okay, that's another thing. When marketing people make up the names of fast food orders, do they think about the embarassment factor? Like, do they realize I'm genuinely less likely to order something if I have to look my 17-year-old server in the eye and ask them for a Fruity Passion Storm? Should ordering food be humiliating? I can't even say Subway's cutie "veggie delite" without gnashing my teeth.

-rf